A Good Walk Ruined

I've heard the game of golf referred to as "a good walk ruined'. To those who play golf this statement elicits a wry laugh of understanding. For sometimes the game is noble - athletes taking the gently massaged fields of nature, battling not only against the design of the course but against their own physical and emotional realities as well. Other times a round of golf can certainly become a tortuous ordeal.

To ruin any activity I enjoy requires a mix of many things. I can usually navigate around obstacles that might decrease my enjoyment of said activity. The weather is super hot? Not a problem- drink lots of water and marvel at the amounts of sweat you generate! The course is difficult? Again, not a problem - I enjoy a challenge and besides, I brought twenty sleeves of golf balls! The players around me are drinking slightly more alcohol than a pre-monitoring-ankle-bracelet Lindsey Lohan - hmmm, Houston, we're gonna have a problem.

I recently played in a charity golf tournament. Put on by the County Police. The event was well run, the officers were great, and the course was spectacular. A few other aspects of the day however, combined forces to create "The Perfect Storm" of bad golf rounds. I have no problems with adults drinking alcohol. Most can handle their beer and liquor just fine. The issue I have is when adult males seem to be stuck in their frat boy days and think it is a sign of manliness to drink as much as possible. When a group of four starts a round of golf with thirty beers and stops at the turn to replenish - well, that's a bit excessive. You might think that being surrounded by police officers might inspire some restraint and you would be thinking incorrectly!( I'm almost certain you can get a DUI whilst driving a golf cart.) I guess I just don't understand why there is a need to lubricate oneself quite so heavily - for any reason, much less at a public event.

The tournament was four player team, best ball round. A great format for me, since everyone plays a shot from the location of the best hit ball each time. Saves me alot of time in the woods, ya know?! The group I was with consisted of two other guys that play pretty well. Our fourth member had to bail out of the tournament at the last minute, so we rotated the fourth shot each time. I've never hit so many golf balls from the fairway before! Usually I am routing around in the overgrown brush at the edge of the course looking for a ball I've hit poorly, so this was a welcome change!

So the elements that conspired to ruin my perfectly good 'walk'?

-The weather was incredibly hot. Like 92 degrees with no breeze and humidity approaching 100 percent hot. I kept tripping over something at every tee box; I finally realized it was Satan's tail - he was hanging with our group because the course was hotter than hell.

-The amount of sleep I got before the round. I mentioned the round started at 8am. Registration was at 7am. I worked overnight until 4:30am. You can plot out the timeline if you wish, but there wasn't much time to for me to rest.

-I had not played ANY golf in the month and a half leading up to the tournament. If you are already a poor playing newbie, taking a 50 day break from the game doesn't do anything to lower your score.

-The people around me were drinking. I went over this above, but let's face it - I don't like the smell of beer nor do I like hanging out with guys who are completely @$#% -faced. (The two guys in my group were fun to hang out with. I know them from work and they were pretty lightweight - they only had three beers apiece over eighteen holes.)

-The course was tough. When even an old Scot leans over to mention "I'm never aseen aye course with'en a mess 'o swales as this 'un"...you know the course is a toughie.

Add all of this up and you end up with a day that just wasn't much fun. In the future I think I will be much more selective of the groups I play a round with. It might be time to play a few holes at the quiet par three up the road. The walking will do me good, the course layout will improve my iron play, and I doubt that the bluehairs that play the course in the early morning hours will be boozing it up!